2011 is gone, its time to sit back and do the accounting of the year that has just folded. The year had gone by with mixed feelings for us (me and nidhi). If i say, its been slightly on the sad note, i wont be exaggerating. God has been both kind and rude to us in this year, blessing us on some things and being extremely harsh in a few others.
I just thought let me put it all across in here so that if i may want to remember a few things about this year, it would be just a matter of a click.
The year 2011 started on a parting note, i had to go back to USA on 1st day of the year. I had a reasonably good stay and enjoyed snow for the first time in life. When i returned i was much fitter and healthy, thanks to my friends in USA, they ensured that i exercise every day.
I came back in March and got a chance to enjoy Holi - the festival of colors, with my parents. This was first time in last 10 yrs that i was home for this day. I could have good fun with parents, relatives and some other people. Nidhi got her first shot of holi at kota and needless to say, she enjoyed it.
April is usually the month of parties as our marriage anniversary and my birthday fall in the same month. We went to Mahabalipuram - a small town near chennai on the eastern side. This trip redefined a few relationships in the family and needless to mention, made it immensely satisfying and a happy trip. Enjoyed a good vacation with Nidhi, Munnu and Ramya.
May and June saw me getting H1B and got me a little more confident about my own future and therefore a little more satisfied from life. However, there was something else too which kept me happy.
July, this month is always special as there are birthday's and marriage anniversaries of few very important people. Of all, Nidhi's birthday falls in this month and we had a good time on her birthday. We also were moving strength to strength with our life.
August was the first setback month for us. For reason which i can’t share in here, we were shattered to the core. It became extremely difficult for us to continue focus on anything. It just remains itched in our memories as the worst month of our lives. Even while we were passing through our worst phase, two people stood very strongly with us, Munnu and Ramya, became integral part of our lives.
This month also saw Baba (my grandpa) witnessing some of the silliest events in his life courtesy his sons. Sometimes i wonder, some people can be such pathetic in their sense of life and it’s just worthwhile to throw them out of your thoughts. They just cease to exist because of their nonsensical approach towards the whole thing. Anyways!!
September went by without making any impression on us, we were too hassled and bothered about what was happening in our lives. I moved on to a different work location, within Bangalore and started getting extremely busy in my work life. I was also losing my faith in everything around me, this also included the relationships. I was becoming too centric and at times was extremely rude to Nidhi. There was day where i just couldn't be man anymore and transformed into a creature that i would hate for rest of my life. Such were the crisis around us, that we were losing every good thing.
October saw me fighting out another battle, this time it was on personal front. This month also had diwali, so with a few plans i moved on with my vacations. There an important meeting at Delhi which needed me and i was on plan for that, in came the news of my grandpa being admitted to ICU. I panicked and rushed to my native to be by his side. I went and saw him in his ICU the morning i reached. He held my hand for 2 hours with extreme pain in his eyes he kept staring at me and i kept holding his hand. When he went for sleep (due to pain killers) i stepped out and called Nidhi and couldn’t control my emotions anymore, cried out loud and inconsolably. The next 15 days saw me trying to be with baba every min that i could, for somewhere in me, i knew, he is planning to take a trip to heavenly abode sometime soon.
Such was his charisma and desires, that this illness of his ensured that all his sons, daughters, grandsons, granddaughters, every single person in the entire family comes to him. We all were with him and together during the entire 5 day festivities of diwali. This was first, and probably the last time i saw few individuals in my family, for they just lost all their importance in my life by showing their true colors. I will not mince words, i will not try to be good for according to me, they are pathetic individuals and need to be thrashed, but, its my personal view.
Baba was a man of self control which he showed us to all, in his own unique way. Diwali is a festival of 5 days for us, the festivities start by "Dhanteras", followed by "Choti diwali", "Diwali", "Annakoot" and "Bhai dooj". If there is demise in family in any of the five days, that family will not celebrate Diwali unless there is a birth of a baby boy on the very same day. Doctors had told us that baba could leave us anytime before "Dhanteras". He was on Oxygen and breathing heavy. But the man, couldn’t have left us with so much of pain for our entire life. He loved us more than anything and he couldn’t be a reason for his kids to suffer and not celebrate the festival. Such was his will power that he waited till "bhaidooj". His elder sister did a "teeka" to him and then since the entire family was around all the sisters could do the teeka to all the brothers. We all had sumptuous meal around him, sat together, had lot of fun.
When the last member of family was done with the meal and the ladies were busy cleaning up the place, he gave a unique opportunity to me. I was the first person to be around him when he heard that the festivities are over. He breathed heavy, there was absolute chaos and with immense peace in his eyes, he closed them and left us all crying around him. It was a special moment as every kid that belonged to him was present in the very same room around him and was chanting the heavenly word "Om" for him to hear it. It was auspicious site, for he left the world with his entire family around him.
The proceedings began, we made him take bath, we got new clothes for him to wear, we got a "pagdi", dressed him like a "Pandit" for his last journey. He was at peace and there was a faint smile on his face. The content of being the best man whole his life, and even during his last time. The journey saw him being carried by his sons and grandsons. Its the best last journey that most men crave for. With the chants of Shree Ram and Hari OM he was cremated. The most difficult time for the family was when we returned back home, for us for the first time felt his absence. It was painful silence!!
The whole of October and November just went by without much of focus.
December, we thought, atl east this last month would give us some breather. It actually did but only towards the end. However, i was due for another pain, this time again on the personal front. During December i lost one my maternal uncles. He was my mom's cousin, and in those terms, had very less significance like several others of his kind. But, he was different. He had a different charisma, a very different and difficult life. He is someone who has more impact on my overall personality than even some people in very close quarters. "Pramod Preetam" was an extremely famous journalist in the area that he belonged to. Someone who had a knack of picking up stories and tell them like no one else. In the era of television with 50 news channels barking to tell the Breaking news, he increased the circulation of printed paper Dainik Bhasker. Its my bad luck and fate that i couldn’t meet him during his last days. The news shattered me within and i couldn’t control but cry. I will miss him whole of my life.
The year, 2011, i believe shouldn’t have existed in my life. It was hugely taxing on personal front and the year that will most certainly remain the worst year of my life. The optimist in me could still find some happy moments, but those were short lived and were all on professional front. Hence, learned a very important thing, if you aren’t happy in your personal life, professional achievements and happiness don’t matter!!
Welcomed 2012 with a new hope and bowed head, for i am at starting line again, i need to walk leaving behind all the baggage and try and make a life again!!
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