Tribute to a man, a legend

It was his dream and emphasis that we all get well versed in English, so I thought it’s just apt to write his first year celebration speech in the language which he loved and had immense command over. Pardon me if I am not able to convey my feelings in certain sections of this speech, but those are my short comings, and I shall continue to improve.

First of all, its celebration and not sorrow, for he was a man of celebrations. He would greet you loud, he would hug you tight and he will never let you step out of his house without having food with him. Least was some tea and snacks, if nothing else, then at-least milk. So, all those of you who thought that this speech will be about how dearly we miss him and feel sad, I would like to apologize to you all, for even though we miss him dearly and miss him every single day of our lives, but that's because we celebrate him, we celebrate his achievements and we celebrate the respect that he earned in every moment of our lives.

Here I begin...

This is a special day for us, for the world it might still appear to be the same but for one man and his family, it shall never be the same. The sun shall rise again and go down, the day will eventually get over and the world shall move on, for the world has moved on since 28th Oct 2011, but I believe for us, some part of us has been left behind.

It was this day in the yr 2011 that my Grandfather left us for the heavenly abode. It’s been a year since then, lots have happened in our lives. My Mother and father have retired from their glorious and respected careers, my brother and his wife moved on in life to newer heights, my sister and her husband relocated from one country to another. I have relocated to USA, etc. But one thing remains same, and I realized this when Nidhi told me about it. The room in the house shall always remain as it was a year ago. We will always feel Baba's presence in that room. The room shall eternally be his. For in that room we always feel he is around us, taking those deep breaths with a smile on his face.

Baba had charisma of the Gods, until he lived and beyond he had impeccable command for respect on the people around him, he was certainly the best man who achieved what most of us dare to dream. Even though there are some lesser mortals who would always make fun of him, but trust me, all those who mocked him shared one thing in common, they were underachievers and nowhere close to his personality. He would just smile and brush aside bad things said about him. He would always say, keep your focus in life and keep moving on the path to glory. He was someone who has a real story from "rags to riches". His legacy is a legacy of tremendous effort, true respect and devotion to Almighty.

I am sure, by now you'd guess, my grandfather has huge impact on my personality. Whether or not I am an achiever, I still try to think what would he do in this situation and every time I fall, I get up again and start for it, for I have to face him some day and I can't tell him that I didn't try. I have always enjoyed his love and affection, I believe now is the time to show the world that his legacy is something that shall continue.

His family is striving too; together we all are trying to take his achievements to next level. He got us out from that small village, it was our responsibility to ensure that the third generation feels less deprived and the next one feels no less than the world. He laid emphasis on education, here we are, and his grandsons are all studying and working at good levels. By Gods grace and his blessings we will take his name forward.

As I see it, this seems to be bad luck of few of my younger brothers and sisters not to have spent as much time with him as we got a chance to do. Cheenu and I were most lucky to have spent good amount of time with him and around him. Even though, I would confess, as a child I used to be irritated at his constant push but I also remember he would always say it, "Tunnu bhaiya ji, you'd realize the importance of it one day". It’s just sad that while I realize it now, he is not there for me to confess.

On his personality, I can remember few things very clearly. He had once said, "I am a person who only has friends, I have no enemies, no one dislikes me", well while that appeared to me more as a self obsession than an actual claim, but very soon I realized how small I am, how little is my thought process, for I lived in that moment, while he was talking of a life span. How celebrated he was, as a personality, we came to know from his friends when he was gone. Such is our bad luck that we couldn't hear it when he was around, to see that "winner's" smile on him. On the third day of his departure his best friend and my maternal grandfather spoke for him, he told us about him like we never knew our own grandfather. He told us that if we personify perseverance, dedication, and affection, it will be not enough to showcase my grandfather's personality. He went on and on for more than 30 mins, until my uncle had to walk up to him to stop him, neither the speaker nor the listeners were in any mood to stop the celebration, but it was important for the time keeper.

Personally, I will never forget that sight of him being dressed up for his final walk to meet the Lords up in heaven. I will never forget the sight of his motionless body, his smiles while everyone around him was crying out loud, very true to the words: -

Aap aaye jagat mein, sab hanse aap roye

aisi karni kar chalein, aap hanse jag roye!

Baba, we love you and miss you dearly. We are here in USA, far away from the place where we laid you to rest. I wish I was there, I promise to keep your legacy alive and I promise to keep this day and date special in my life for you were very special to me, and to us. May you be with Gods in heaven and may you always be smiling.

Regards

End of an Era - My oration on my Dad's retirement

Sh. P. K. Sharma, retires today, September 30th, 2012. A chapter of 35 yrs of dedication, perseverance, patience and tremendous amount of achievements ends today. Man who inspired, lead from front and redefined the whole perspective of leadership for more than one generation is ready to hang his boots. What more could be the achievement that after 35 yrs in service, his seniors want him to join in their firms, his juniors are already ready to work with him again and his colleagues couldn't believe that his retirement date has come. I wish i could achieve such camaraderie with colleagues, seniors and sub-ordinates all at the same time.

His ability to win hearts of one and all has been witnessed a lot of times, his ability to value relationships and capability to resolve even the most conflicting situations have made him appreciated by all. The phrase is if "no one can else can get it done, call P K Sharma, he will get it done". Needless to mention he always got the work done. Be it laying the pipeline right in front of houses on the busy Vigyan nagar road or using his absolute command over engineering in laying a pipeline where within 70 kms the vertical shift was more than 140 ft.

He has enjoyed amazing relationships all the while, be it politicians, executives or general public. Be it handling a project of over 250 cr to manage office as a TA (Technical assistant) to S.E., he was brilliant all through. Atitude is something which he carries on his sleeve, yet, talk to him, he will come across as someone very humble and ready to listen to you. No wonder, even the younger generation of J.Ens are his huge fans.

He had his simple rules, family will have dinner together,family - We had dinner together until i moved out for further studies and the tradition continues with every visit. We will have weekend evenings together - no matter whats the work pressure, Sunday evenings were with us. Its evening now water the garden - Most people in the neighborhood envied his garden, and he maintained it until he could. Lets play badminton - he is a very good badminton player and he got a badminton court with flood lights made when he was the in-charge of the colony. Enjoyed picnics - He started the weekend picnics with all the colony people going out to some good destinations in the area.... the list is just endless. To me, he appears someone who is very down to earth and yet flamboyant. His feet are firmly planted on the soil, and trust me he fears his destiny like each one of us. What differentiates him is the fact that he rules his destiny by over shadowing his inabilities by his sheer dedication.

His devotion towards almighty is unquestionable. He never forgets to perform daily prayers in the morning and eats only once he is done with his rituals. This is something that he picked up from his dad, and continues to do it every single day.

His 'mantra' in life is "work hard to achieve, if you still don't, then work harder". In the era of appraisals and hikes, people change jobs if they don't get a hike in two consecutive years. Loyalties are at their lowest and people question their organizations all the time. But here is a man who was at the same post for 17 yrs, yes, 17 long years. He still kept doing his work with same amount of dedication, nothing stopped for him. Same home, same scooter, same life for 17 long yrs. Then he got promoted to next level, and then next, but his dedication is same. I see him still being same person who gets up in the morning and goes out to same office with same amount of devotion.

Outside of the house, he was a J.En, A.En, X.En, and finally S.E. but inside the house, he is our loving father. One rare quality, he doesn't bring his office to home. He is not an officer, so a munnu or a tunnu never found any distance between them and him. We would joke around him for hours together, before he would break into impromptu sleep with his customary snores. Then would wake up suddenly to hear only half of what was being discussed and join the party again :)

His life has been amazing, one that is full of ups and down, yet, trust me, he has not changed 1 bit. He is still the very same to me, same approachable, loving, caring, willing to talk anything, anytime, willing to do anything for his kids.

He might be difficult for people around (i assume) but for us, he is our loving father, who very aptly carried his father's legacy. The same amount of rituals, same dedication to work, same neatness in everything, professional, loving, caring, humble, knowledgeable and above all, highly respected. I already feel nervous, i am next to pick that baton, long way to go for me, i just wish i could achieve whatever he has achieved for one man is up there in the blue skies watching me every minute, trying to judge who is better, his son or his grandson.

Papa, this is your legacy, and i want to prove myself in there. I want to show to the world that i belong to the legacy where Baba brought us out from that village, you gave us a perspective to fight and win and made us reach this far.

My Oration for my Mother's retirement party

Written by me, presented to the gathering by my younger brother Prasoon

Good Afternoon Respected Principal sir, vice principal sir and distinguished members of the staff. It’s a very special day today, special for you as you all are celebrating contributions of one of your colleague towards an outstanding career, and a celebration for us, as today my Mother will return home to spend her entire time with us. Just a mention in here, Mummy, while papa had been the torch bearer of our lives and you have been the soul, like wise this has been written by Deepak and Read by Prasoon. Together we are and together we shall be, no physical distance can ever separate the divine connection that we have with you and papa.

Coming back to this over whelming day, I want to tell you all that this oration is particularly special for us, as it is extending our thankfulness to someone as elite as my mother. I am sure all of you are aware of her achievements in life and therefore it would be a reiteration of them. However, it’s so much pleasure to talk about things like these that I will not resist myself. My mother happens to belong to a category of scholars, she has won many awards including a rare feat of 3 gold medals during her college days and yet I saw her connecting to my very less educated grandmother in the best way. This just shows the spectrum that she has, that she could adjust to the situation presented before her. She can switch between Abhigyaan Shakuntalam in Sanskrit to talking in absolute and pure hadoti in no time, needless to mention, she speaks equally good Marwari too and off-late has been picking up on a little Tamil . What an outstanding personality, when most people of her age are busy drawing curtains on their lives, she still manages to pick up new things and master them. According to what I know of her, I think she believes, preaches and practices the fundamental that, Education imparts wisdom, Education imparts the sense of being humble and education imparts a sense of self confidence.

I guess I have spoken enough about the regular things, now I would want you all to spend next few minutes listening to something which is very personal to us. Something which will show you the other side of my mother and her life. Mother’s in this world are believed to be associated with adjectives like affection, love, care, etc. Amongst these adjectives, my mother happens to add a couple more. Let me explain. It’s a world of very tough competition, where nothing but the best succeeds. I believe that to be born as best is God’s mercy, but to become one amongst good is your Mother’s dedication on you. My Mother always stood strong with us and ensured that we don’t undermine our capabilities. It was ok to fail but not ok, not to try. She would always tell us, if you fall, I will hold you, go ahead. To me this is single most important reason that we are doing well in our life.

Let’s talk about something more, Confidence that she had in us. She always had the confidence that we would reach new heights in our life; she has always been a pillar of strength behind us. She not only helped us but often gave us courage to let us explore new world. She never stopped us from becoming adventurous, never stopped us from doing what we wanted to do. She always kept saying, Keep moving, keep walking, keep fighting, and keep achieving, don’t let your hurdles come in your way. God will bless you one day. Indeed, it’s her belief and my Dad’s contribution that we, could scale up to this level and lead a normal life. While my daddy played a significant role in being the guiding star, my mother was the energy behind it all.

Today, as I talk to you all, I can say without a doubt, that whatever we could achieve is due to you mummy. There is something more that I wanted to share; in today’s world there are talks about letting your kids decide what they want, everyone talks about it and is considered modern, but let me tell you ladies and gentlemen, my mother had this vision 20 yrs ago. I captained my college cricket team for two consecutive years and played 3 different sports at University level. Prasoon can play 7 different musical instruments and is a canary of our family. This is due to her persuasion for us to take up things of our choices. Let me take this opportunity and tell you mummy that even though you never took credit for our achievements, your kids have always Thanked God for giving us a mother like you.

As I conclude, I would with a humble mind, and bowed head, like to tell you all that a Father plays an important role in life of his kids, he is the guiding star of one’s life, he makes the way to walk, his contribution towards kid’s life is iconic, but it’s the mother, who gives strength to her kid’s legs to empower them to walk on that path. My mother is a powerful lady, she could’ve achieved bigger heights, but she instead gave her entire life to bless her kids.

My mother has been a phenomenal mother, as she has played and is playing a role of a daughter, a wife and a mother with utmost perfection. I am sure, her father, her husband and her kids all are absolutely proud of her.

Maa, today we bow our heads to your outstanding life and career where you tried your best to deliver what was apt for that time. Without bowing down to pressure or tactics, you always stood strong. You have told us the value of commitment, dedication and knowledge. You have made us learn an important point, “it’s ok to fail but not ok not to try”, and the results are for us to see.

I am awake as this ceremony is happening at your place and just wished I could be there, standing amongst all and ready to take you home. But I think I will lose this to Prasoon, for he is a lucky boy, he always has been the charm of family and the reason for happiness. I think it’s ok to lose to him today for I am eagerly waiting for the day when you would arrive at USA to be with me

I think I have spoken enough, I wish I could just go on and on, but I think, I will stop in here.

Mummy, I love you and will continue to love you eternally. You are the best

Thank you all once again for hearing me patiently and giving me a chance to deliver this.

Relationships

I just went through an article on arrange marriages. It looks to me that the whole world is debating a lot about relationships these days making it the most "in thing". While everyone seems to be having their own perspective, I guess, it’s what you, as a person, believe in, matters the most. However, I also feel that many people who claim to be BTDT (been there done that) have actually very little idea of what it is.

I have been blessed with lot of relatives, friends, relationships, and a marriage that neither is an arranged nor can be categorized under love marriage. I think i too can write down my perspective on relationships. It’s actually quiet an interesting thing how the logics, or ill-logics, work every time when it’s the case of relationships.

Disclaimer: - I am an Indian and so is my perspective. I do not understand most of the things of the west, and hence would not be writing anything about it.

Let me begin with your relationship with parents. Most kids while growing up land in conflict with their parents. While it’s easy to term it arrogance of the kid and over protective behavior of parents, i believe there is actually more to it. Parents naturally have had larger share of life and also have their opinions on everything that has/is/will happen. While it’s almost impossible to live in the same world as your parents, I believe circumstances that they have seen or what you would see, hold striking similarity. The characters change, gadgets are different, locations are different, but if you sit back and think, the gist/core might still be the same as what your parents had gone through. I believe it’s actually wrong from parents to enthuse a solution as is onto their kid's life, but, it’s also wrong on kid’s part to simply write their parents off by stating that they don’t understand your situation. Win-win situation would be when the growing generation actually leverages ideas (not words or surroundings) from older generations and get out of a predicament. I do this all the time, sometime it works, sometime it doesn’t, but I guess at-least I get a whole new perspective about the situation. My source is my dad. His favorite line is, "go and make new mistakes, don’t repeat what I have done". Guess, in this, it’s important not to have any communication gap between you and elder generation. Again, both have to work towards it; they have to soften their stand while you have to be sensible enough to talk to them.

Second is relationship with your friends. These days I am increasingly witnessing a paradigm shift towards minimizing the differences between, friends, acquaintances and people who you simply have met once. Everyone is broadly getting categorized into one category as "Friends". I believe here is where the problem is, for you don’t want anyone and everyone to come close in life and know you as you are. You need to have someone who knows you inside out and who is not your love interest. I happen to be blessed with one such person in life. Vaibhav, met me on a railway station about 14 yrs back. From that day, we share a very special relationship. We are super buddies, yet we never give out “gyan” on what other one is doing, we never tell what each other should be doing, we are always for each other in thick and thin but without any form of "gyan". Each one of us enjoys his personal space while still connected deep inside. I don’t think I have ever told what Vaibhav should be doing in a particular situation nor has he done that. Even though we are two very different personalities we have been able to maintain the eagerness to meet the other, to be able to share sorrows, absolute madness and something’s very personal with ease. I guess, the gist lies in the fact that we don’t breach the line where personal life begins. But, I have vaibhav whom I call my friend. I have a few other close friends and with each one, I share the same method of keeping a line very well drawn. I would easily have 4-5 4am friends but the number is very less compared to a lot of other that I know. All others are good to have, nice to be with and so, I generally get along with people well, have lot of fun in the parties and go out. I like it that way, guess, whatever be the relationship, it’s absolutely necessary to have your personal space.

Third and most important relationship that I have is with my wife Nidhi. Ours was torrential, horrifying and mind-blowing wedding. I was hoping the guns would be loaded and firing would be witnessed, but nothing of the sorts happened and till date I feel very lucky to have been married on that day without any further drama. Now, let me relate back to what made me write this piece. I was reading this article which says "The problem with arrange marriage". I guess it’s just amazing how people write off something that has worked over centuries in my country and continues to work amidst all nonsense’s. I believe arrange marriages are difficult, but there is no guarantee that if it’s a love marriage it would work!! And that it will not have any problems. See, problems are not because of what kind of marriage you had, rather, it’s more to do with what kind of a personality you are. I can tell you, I knew Nidhi before marriage and we had good time to know each other. It was a conscious decision that we wanted to get married to each other. But when we got married, it was almost as if all hell broke loose. There were so many differences at all levels that our personal life and things around it just went for a toss. We were sucked into a black hole where it was complete madness around. So much was the eventual pressure that within two years we decided to call it off. But then, one fine morning, we sat and without saying anything to each other decided to make it work. It worked! Guess, out of the two, she took a bigger load on herself and ensured that certain things never happen. I still need to work a lot on myself, but important part is it worked because we wanted it to work. There was intent, there was willingness, and there was love.

I guess this is applicable in any relationship; you act according to your willingness and intent of making the relationship work. Reasons can be plenty, these days there are enough problems, there are financial issues, ego hassles, career related stuff, personal differences, etc. But right at the bottom of it all is just these two or three things, intent, willingness and love. Funny thing is that I always debated about relationships, but I have been in some most screwed up of them. Guess, I became better by loosing lot of people around due to my madness, but that also taught me a lot. When I gained a few in life, I knew I have to do whatever it takes to keep them with me.

Relationships are integral part of life, you would not want to be alone at all, trust me, lot of people simply go mad when left alone. It’s an awesome feeling to be belonging to someone, to have someone to share your thoughts, or dreams. "Sharing" is the key, so i guess it shouldn’t matter if it comes at a cost of changing your personality a little or bringing down your egos.

To all those guys and girls out in the world, who want to have a person as per your thoughts, let me tell you, God had long stopped making those. Go find out someone who loves you, has willingness to have a family with you and the intent of surviving your nonsense. And most important thing of all; be prepared to love someone, and accept the nonsense from that someone. End of it, its amazing feeling to be belonging to someone.

2011 - The year that wasn't

2011 is gone, its time to sit back and do the accounting of the year that has just folded. The year had gone by with mixed feelings for us (me and nidhi). If i say, its been slightly on the sad note, i wont be exaggerating. God has been both kind and rude to us in this year, blessing us on some things and being extremely harsh in a few others.

I just thought let me put it all across in here so that if i may want to remember a few things about this year, it would be just a matter of a click.

The year 2011 started on a parting note, i had to go back to USA on 1st day of the year. I had a reasonably good stay and enjoyed snow for the first time in life. When i returned i was much fitter and healthy, thanks to my friends in USA, they ensured that i exercise every day.

I came back in March and got a chance to enjoy Holi - the festival of colors, with my parents. This was first time in last 10 yrs that i was home for this day. I could have good fun with parents, relatives and some other people. Nidhi got her first shot of holi at kota and needless to say, she enjoyed it.

April is usually the month of parties as our marriage anniversary and my birthday fall in the same month. We went to Mahabalipuram - a small town near chennai on the eastern side. This trip redefined a few relationships in the family and needless to mention, made it immensely satisfying and a happy trip. Enjoyed a good vacation with Nidhi, Munnu and Ramya.

May and June saw me getting H1B and got me a little more confident about my own future and therefore a little more satisfied from life. However, there was something else too which kept me happy.

July, this month is always special as there are birthday's and marriage anniversaries of few very important people. Of all, Nidhi's birthday falls in this month and we had a good time on her birthday. We also were moving strength to strength with our life.

August was the first setback month for us. For reason which i can’t share in here, we were shattered to the core. It became extremely difficult for us to continue focus on anything. It just remains itched in our memories as the worst month of our lives. Even while we were passing through our worst phase, two people stood very strongly with us, Munnu and Ramya, became integral part of our lives.

This month also saw Baba (my grandpa) witnessing some of the silliest events in his life courtesy his sons. Sometimes i wonder, some people can be such pathetic in their sense of life and it’s just worthwhile to throw them out of your thoughts. They just cease to exist because of their nonsensical approach towards the whole thing. Anyways!!

September went by without making any impression on us, we were too hassled and bothered about what was happening in our lives. I moved on to a different work location, within Bangalore and started getting extremely busy in my work life. I was also losing my faith in everything around me, this also included the relationships. I was becoming too centric and at times was extremely rude to Nidhi. There was day where i just couldn't be man anymore and transformed into a creature that i would hate for rest of my life. Such were the crisis around us, that we were losing every good thing.


October saw me fighting out another battle, this time it was on personal front. This month also had diwali, so with a few plans i moved on with my vacations. There an important meeting at Delhi which needed me and i was on plan for that, in came the news of my grandpa being admitted to ICU. I panicked and rushed to my native to be by his side. I went and saw him in his ICU the morning i reached. He held my hand for 2 hours with extreme pain in his eyes he kept staring at me and i kept holding his hand. When he went for sleep (due to pain killers) i stepped out and called Nidhi and couldn’t control my emotions anymore, cried out loud and inconsolably. The next 15 days saw me trying to be with baba every min that i could, for somewhere in me, i knew, he is planning to take a trip to heavenly abode sometime soon.

Such was his charisma and desires, that this illness of his ensured that all his sons, daughters, grandsons, granddaughters, every single person in the entire family comes to him. We all were with him and together during the entire 5 day festivities of diwali. This was first, and probably the last time i saw few individuals in my family, for they just lost all their importance in my life by showing their true colors. I will not mince words, i will not try to be good for according to me, they are pathetic individuals and need to be thrashed, but, its my personal view.

Baba was a man of self control which he showed us to all, in his own unique way. Diwali is a festival of 5 days for us, the festivities start by "Dhanteras", followed by "Choti diwali", "Diwali", "Annakoot" and "Bhai dooj". If there is demise in family in any of the five days, that family will not celebrate Diwali unless there is a birth of a baby boy on the very same day. Doctors had told us that baba could leave us anytime before "Dhanteras". He was on Oxygen and breathing heavy. But the man, couldn’t have left us with so much of pain for our entire life. He loved us more than anything and he couldn’t be a reason for his kids to suffer and not celebrate the festival. Such was his will power that he waited till "bhaidooj". His elder sister did a "teeka" to him and then since the entire family was around all the sisters could do the teeka to all the brothers. We all had sumptuous meal around him, sat together, had lot of fun.

When the last member of family was done with the meal and the ladies were busy cleaning up the place, he gave a unique opportunity to me. I was the first person to be around him when he heard that the festivities are over. He breathed heavy, there was absolute chaos and with immense peace in his eyes, he closed them and left us all crying around him. It was a special moment as every kid that belonged to him was present in the very same room around him and was chanting the heavenly word "Om" for him to hear it. It was auspicious site, for he left the world with his entire family around him.

The proceedings began, we made him take bath, we got new clothes for him to wear, we got a "pagdi", dressed him like a "Pandit" for his last journey. He was at peace and there was a faint smile on his face. The content of being the best man whole his life, and even during his last time. The journey saw him being carried by his sons and grandsons. Its the best last journey that most men crave for. With the chants of Shree Ram and Hari OM he was cremated. The most difficult time for the family was when we returned back home, for us for the first time felt his absence. It was painful silence!!

The whole of October and November just went by without much of focus.

December, we thought, atl east this last month would give us some breather. It actually did but only towards the end. However, i was due for another pain, this time again on the personal front. During December i lost one my maternal uncles. He was my mom's cousin, and in those terms, had very less significance like several others of his kind. But, he was different. He had a different charisma, a very different and difficult life. He is someone who has more impact on my overall personality than even some people in very close quarters. "Pramod Preetam" was an extremely famous journalist in the area that he belonged to. Someone who had a knack of picking up stories and tell them like no one else. In the era of television with 50 news channels barking to tell the Breaking news, he increased the circulation of printed paper Dainik Bhasker. Its my bad luck and fate that i couldn’t meet him during his last days. The news shattered me within and i couldn’t control but cry. I will miss him whole of my life.

The year, 2011, i believe shouldn’t have existed in my life. It was hugely taxing on personal front and the year that will most certainly remain the worst year of my life. The optimist in me could still find some happy moments, but those were short lived and were all on professional front. Hence, learned a very important thing, if you aren’t happy in your personal life, professional achievements and happiness don’t matter!!

Welcomed 2012 with a new hope and bowed head, for i am at starting line again, i need to walk leaving behind all the baggage and try and make a life again!!